I know I've been pretty MIA lately with my blog, I am preparing for the first part of my personal training test this weekend, so I've been spending my blog writing time studying instead. I make my promise that I will be better about writing once my test is done this weekend!
Last time I wrote, I talked about the first part of my journey of confidence. This type of journey is similar to my fitness journey in that there is no end point when it comes to confidence because always a struggle. Some days I don't feel so hot about myself. Either my skin breaks out or I'm bloated or I screwed up at my job and feeling low about myself. But I tell myself that I know what my real abilities are and I am just having an off day and to keep pushing on and it will get better.
The second part of my journey is about applying my hard learned lesson about confidence I talked about in part 1 of this blog (see here). Last time, I talked about how I had a hard time figuring myself out as a young teen. I struggled to feel comfortable to be who I was and wanted so badly to be accepted by people I didn't even really like- which looking back, never made a lot of sense.
I had a bit of a breakthrough when I was 14. I remember being upset because I heard some rumors that were being said about me at school- you know the ones spread by "those bitches". I was so upset about the things "those bitches" were saying, I consulted with my dad. Now, my dad is not the "boo hoo so sorry for you" type of dad; he's more of the "figure your shit out or forget about it" type. I ranted on and on about how I hated these people and how terrible they were to say these things about me, and why would they do this.... My dad's reply in his own way of wisdom was "Fuck 'em! Who cares about what they think?!" Well, you couldn't argue with that logic!
It wasn't an overnight change, but as time went on, I started to care less and less about other people's opinions and more about what I thought of myself. I focused on the friends I had, school, and Ju Jitsu. In high school I got heavily involved in Drama class and played on the basketball team. I did these things because I liked them, not just because I thought it would make people like me.
I said last time in part 1 of this confidence blog that I was never really the girl with a lot of body issues, so I have a hard time talking about something that I never really went through or understood. I remember some girls I know who were beautiful, smart, charming and funny; but they hated themselves just purely based on their size or look. It baffled me that these amazing people would just put themselves down or torture themselves just because they weren't happy about their weight. They failed to realize that not everyone is perfect. They failed to realize that the pictures on social media or in magazines aren't all they were cracked up to be and held themselves up to those standards that didn't exist. I never understood that, the social media posts or magazine pictures never bothered me because I knew they were fake.
Now, I am not going on about this because I have the perfect body or self esteem. Just like everyone else, I am not perfect- but I have learned to accept and appreciate myself for what and who I am.
For example, I have small boobs- and I mean small- and wide shoulders and big rib cage. This makes me have a very boyish figure that makes having a teeny girl waist very difficult. When I was a teenager, all the girls around me seemed to be busting out of their shirts and I could hardly make it out of a AA cup. I struggled with this because to be considered "a girl" you have to have boobs right?! However, when it came to sports, I was thankful for my small boobs. At Ju Jitsu, I am happy that I don't have to worry about anything falling out because there isn't very much to fall out!
Another example is I have a big ass and thighs which carries most of my weight. I grew to love my big butt and thighs for many reasons For one, I always catch food in my lap and I've never dropped my phone in the toilet, so that's awesome! Strong legs also come in handy at Ju Jitsu where I can use the weight of my lower body to base out and my kicks are strong. I grew to appreciate my lower half and vow to make my ass even bigger with heavy deadlifts and squats- so there!
I also have a stubborn bump on my lower stomach (you know, that bump!) which has been making getting flat abs difficult, but its worth the struggle to slowly watch it go down. I know in time if I work hard enough, I will get it where I want it. Again, I'm not perfect, but I grew to love myself for what I am and accept that I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else!
I bet that some out there are reading this and thinking, "well if you loved yourself so much, why did you change it?" The answer is sort of complicated. Yes, I wasn't happy with myself when I first started this fitness journey, but I loved myself enough to know that I wanted to change for the better. It wasn't about getting skinny and wanting to look good in clothes, I wanted to be healthy and for life. When I first started this fitness journey, I was out of shape. I ate what I wanted to, when I wanted to and I knew eventually it would start to take a toll on my health and my weight. When I would fight at Ju Jitsu, my cardio sucked, I felt weak, uncoordinated and I gassed out really quickly. I was getting tapped out by my adult students to whom I was supposed to be their teacher. I knew that if I wanted to others to take me seriously as an athlete, I needed to take myself seriously.
By starting with weight lifting and changing my diet, I have started to transform myself into the athlete I always wanted to be and make myself healthier. It has made me even more confident in my ability to set my mind to something and actually make it happen. This has made me feel better about myself and yes, even my body. As I slowly watch my muscles grow or see how much better of a fighter I am becoming, it makes me even happier and more content with myself. I don't feel the need to compare myself to others or worry about what others think of me. I don't care if people think I am too manly, too fat, too sarcastic, too bossy or whatever, because I am what I am.
What I wanted to say in conclusion to this blog is that I want women to learn to appreciate themselves for who they are. I am not saying that you can't change to lose weight or whatever, but do it for your own health and as something you want to do, not because you think you'll be better loved or accepted by people. Make your physical and mental health a priority and stop caring about what others think and create your own fitness and confidence journey.
Last time I wrote, I talked about the first part of my journey of confidence. This type of journey is similar to my fitness journey in that there is no end point when it comes to confidence because always a struggle. Some days I don't feel so hot about myself. Either my skin breaks out or I'm bloated or I screwed up at my job and feeling low about myself. But I tell myself that I know what my real abilities are and I am just having an off day and to keep pushing on and it will get better.
The second part of my journey is about applying my hard learned lesson about confidence I talked about in part 1 of this blog (see here). Last time, I talked about how I had a hard time figuring myself out as a young teen. I struggled to feel comfortable to be who I was and wanted so badly to be accepted by people I didn't even really like- which looking back, never made a lot of sense.
I had a bit of a breakthrough when I was 14. I remember being upset because I heard some rumors that were being said about me at school- you know the ones spread by "those bitches". I was so upset about the things "those bitches" were saying, I consulted with my dad. Now, my dad is not the "boo hoo so sorry for you" type of dad; he's more of the "figure your shit out or forget about it" type. I ranted on and on about how I hated these people and how terrible they were to say these things about me, and why would they do this.... My dad's reply in his own way of wisdom was "Fuck 'em! Who cares about what they think?!" Well, you couldn't argue with that logic!
It wasn't an overnight change, but as time went on, I started to care less and less about other people's opinions and more about what I thought of myself. I focused on the friends I had, school, and Ju Jitsu. In high school I got heavily involved in Drama class and played on the basketball team. I did these things because I liked them, not just because I thought it would make people like me.
I said last time in part 1 of this confidence blog that I was never really the girl with a lot of body issues, so I have a hard time talking about something that I never really went through or understood. I remember some girls I know who were beautiful, smart, charming and funny; but they hated themselves just purely based on their size or look. It baffled me that these amazing people would just put themselves down or torture themselves just because they weren't happy about their weight. They failed to realize that not everyone is perfect. They failed to realize that the pictures on social media or in magazines aren't all they were cracked up to be and held themselves up to those standards that didn't exist. I never understood that, the social media posts or magazine pictures never bothered me because I knew they were fake.
Now, I am not going on about this because I have the perfect body or self esteem. Just like everyone else, I am not perfect- but I have learned to accept and appreciate myself for what and who I am.
For example, I have small boobs- and I mean small- and wide shoulders and big rib cage. This makes me have a very boyish figure that makes having a teeny girl waist very difficult. When I was a teenager, all the girls around me seemed to be busting out of their shirts and I could hardly make it out of a AA cup. I struggled with this because to be considered "a girl" you have to have boobs right?! However, when it came to sports, I was thankful for my small boobs. At Ju Jitsu, I am happy that I don't have to worry about anything falling out because there isn't very much to fall out!
Another example is I have a big ass and thighs which carries most of my weight. I grew to love my big butt and thighs for many reasons For one, I always catch food in my lap and I've never dropped my phone in the toilet, so that's awesome! Strong legs also come in handy at Ju Jitsu where I can use the weight of my lower body to base out and my kicks are strong. I grew to appreciate my lower half and vow to make my ass even bigger with heavy deadlifts and squats- so there!
I also have a stubborn bump on my lower stomach (you know, that bump!) which has been making getting flat abs difficult, but its worth the struggle to slowly watch it go down. I know in time if I work hard enough, I will get it where I want it. Again, I'm not perfect, but I grew to love myself for what I am and accept that I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else!
I bet that some out there are reading this and thinking, "well if you loved yourself so much, why did you change it?" The answer is sort of complicated. Yes, I wasn't happy with myself when I first started this fitness journey, but I loved myself enough to know that I wanted to change for the better. It wasn't about getting skinny and wanting to look good in clothes, I wanted to be healthy and for life. When I first started this fitness journey, I was out of shape. I ate what I wanted to, when I wanted to and I knew eventually it would start to take a toll on my health and my weight. When I would fight at Ju Jitsu, my cardio sucked, I felt weak, uncoordinated and I gassed out really quickly. I was getting tapped out by my adult students to whom I was supposed to be their teacher. I knew that if I wanted to others to take me seriously as an athlete, I needed to take myself seriously.
By starting with weight lifting and changing my diet, I have started to transform myself into the athlete I always wanted to be and make myself healthier. It has made me even more confident in my ability to set my mind to something and actually make it happen. This has made me feel better about myself and yes, even my body. As I slowly watch my muscles grow or see how much better of a fighter I am becoming, it makes me even happier and more content with myself. I don't feel the need to compare myself to others or worry about what others think of me. I don't care if people think I am too manly, too fat, too sarcastic, too bossy or whatever, because I am what I am.
What I wanted to say in conclusion to this blog is that I want women to learn to appreciate themselves for who they are. I am not saying that you can't change to lose weight or whatever, but do it for your own health and as something you want to do, not because you think you'll be better loved or accepted by people. Make your physical and mental health a priority and stop caring about what others think and create your own fitness and confidence journey.
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