I thought I'd write about what to do when you want to give up- written by someone who wanted to give up, which is me. But first, the background story!
I've had a bit of a frustrating past couple weeks and fell a bit off the "bandwagon" purely just because of it.
A few weeks ago, I got the phone call I've been waiting for 6 months. It was the surgeon's office asking if I could possibly work out getting my knee surgery done on the 23rd of this month. It only gave me 17 days notice, but I took it. For the next couple days, I was on cloud nine! I was super excited to get the surgery and to get going with physio and back on the healing train. I've been really happy about how my knee has been feeling latel; no pain, working out has been going well and I was lifting more than ever! The occasional time I would turn too quickly, I could feel the joint slide a bit; but that was a very minor issue.
A few weeks ago, I got the phone call I've been waiting for 6 months. It was the surgeon's office asking if I could possibly work out getting my knee surgery done on the 23rd of this month. It only gave me 17 days notice, but I took it. For the next couple days, I was on cloud nine! I was super excited to get the surgery and to get going with physio and back on the healing train. I've been really happy about how my knee has been feeling latel; no pain, working out has been going well and I was lifting more than ever! The occasional time I would turn too quickly, I could feel the joint slide a bit; but that was a very minor issue.
That Wednesday a couple days after the phone call, I had the day off, so I went to Kamikaze Punishment for some training and joined in on the Ju Jitsu class that night. While being thrown with a single leg takedown (stuff I've been doing for a while now), I went to breakfall and my right foot got stuck on the mats for a split second as I came down. My leg gave in, twisted and an all too familiar "pop" sound came from my right knee. The very familiar pain set in.... my good knee! I immediately stopped and instantly felt like I was going to be sick, not from pain, but from what I knew had just happened! I quickly changed and left. Once I was in my truck, I cried all the way home; all I could think was, I can't believe that just happened.
I saw the surgeon a few days later, and after I told her what happened, she examined my knee and confirmed my worst fear. Her and two physiotherapists all agree that I most likely tore my ACL on my right knee, along with the tear in my left knee. She said it wouldn't do me any good to do surgery right now, the best plan is to wait a few months and then do both knees at the same time. I hung my head low as she lectured me on the risks of what I've been doing and I was clearly doing too much activity that isn't good for my knees. She wasn't wrong and I didn't disagree with anything she said; I just felt like an idiot. There I was again, with another knee injury, two weeks before I was supposed to have my surgery and now we had to postpone because I'm a dumbass.
After the past week of another swollen knee, not being able to do much activity and no Ju Jitsu, I can honestly say, I've had the urge to give up. I felt frustrated, lousy and defeated. I did not want to workout and I sure did not want to eat healthy at all. I just wanted to be done.
After the Wednesday that I hurt my knee, I took a five day break from working out, from Thursday to Tuesday. I also took a hiatus from my regular diet plan and ate like crap. It was the longest stretch in over a year I've gone without a single workout. I did my physio exercises, but that was it. While I was being inactive, I had a lot of time to pout and over-analyse the whole situation. I am not exactly proud of it, but I tend to worry way to much and over-analyse everything!
Last Tuesday morning, I set my alarm for 5 am out of habit. It went off and I sat there for a few minutes staring at the ceiling, thinking about whether or not I should go to the gym. I thought about what the surgeon said about Ju Jitsu and the dangers of the sport with my obviously terrible knees. After lying there for a few minutes, I had come to a conclusion, a bit of an epiphany I guess. I thought to myself, I've come this freaking far, went through one ACL tear and worked my way through it; what's another one really? Surgery is still going to be done on both knees, just postponed for now, not a huge deal. Ju Jitsu is my life and I am not willing to give up on it, and working out has become my therapy, so I can't give up on that either. I've come too far to go back now. If I could talk to myself from a year ago, I'd be convincing myself to just go. Just go to the gym and you'll feel better I told myself.
So I did, I just went. It wasn't the greatest workout of my life, and I had to drag myself out of bed to go; but I went. I did the spin bike for a few minutes to get my knees warmed up, it felt oddly familiar to be pedalling so very slowly on minimal resistance. I put myself through a shoulder workout and did my phyio at the end. As I said, not the greatest workout ever, but it got the wheels in motion. I went back to my normal diet, with a few adjustments because I am not going to be as active as I normally am for the next few weeks.
After my little epiphany, it did still take a few days to get back into the swing of things. I can't really participate in Ju Jitsu just yet, which is bothering me still. I went to watch my KP team mates at a tournament this past weekend and it did get to me me later on that I couldn't be out there competing. But I keep telling myself, its ok, give it some time and you'll be back.
So in the end, what do you do when you feel like giving up? Well, its tough. I think you need to expect that at some point, you're going to want to give up. You're going to want to throw in the towel at some point, but you have to make up your mind beforehand that when that time comes, you tell yourself you simply can't.
You'll have to do some self motivation talk, remember your goals and why you started in the first place. Think about "past you" and what they would say to you. Most of all, I think you just have to go. You just have to get out of bed, put your shoes on and go to the gym. Put yourself through the workout, even if you don't want to, even if it's the crappiest workout ever. After that, your endorphins will release and you'll be happy you went. Then you do the same thing the next day, and the one after that. It might take a few days, but eventually, you'll be back in the swing of things and very happy that you didn't give up.
After the Wednesday that I hurt my knee, I took a five day break from working out, from Thursday to Tuesday. I also took a hiatus from my regular diet plan and ate like crap. It was the longest stretch in over a year I've gone without a single workout. I did my physio exercises, but that was it. While I was being inactive, I had a lot of time to pout and over-analyse the whole situation. I am not exactly proud of it, but I tend to worry way to much and over-analyse everything!
Last Tuesday morning, I set my alarm for 5 am out of habit. It went off and I sat there for a few minutes staring at the ceiling, thinking about whether or not I should go to the gym. I thought about what the surgeon said about Ju Jitsu and the dangers of the sport with my obviously terrible knees. After lying there for a few minutes, I had come to a conclusion, a bit of an epiphany I guess. I thought to myself, I've come this freaking far, went through one ACL tear and worked my way through it; what's another one really? Surgery is still going to be done on both knees, just postponed for now, not a huge deal. Ju Jitsu is my life and I am not willing to give up on it, and working out has become my therapy, so I can't give up on that either. I've come too far to go back now. If I could talk to myself from a year ago, I'd be convincing myself to just go. Just go to the gym and you'll feel better I told myself.
So I did, I just went. It wasn't the greatest workout of my life, and I had to drag myself out of bed to go; but I went. I did the spin bike for a few minutes to get my knees warmed up, it felt oddly familiar to be pedalling so very slowly on minimal resistance. I put myself through a shoulder workout and did my phyio at the end. As I said, not the greatest workout ever, but it got the wheels in motion. I went back to my normal diet, with a few adjustments because I am not going to be as active as I normally am for the next few weeks.
After my little epiphany, it did still take a few days to get back into the swing of things. I can't really participate in Ju Jitsu just yet, which is bothering me still. I went to watch my KP team mates at a tournament this past weekend and it did get to me me later on that I couldn't be out there competing. But I keep telling myself, its ok, give it some time and you'll be back.
So in the end, what do you do when you feel like giving up? Well, its tough. I think you need to expect that at some point, you're going to want to give up. You're going to want to throw in the towel at some point, but you have to make up your mind beforehand that when that time comes, you tell yourself you simply can't.
You'll have to do some self motivation talk, remember your goals and why you started in the first place. Think about "past you" and what they would say to you. Most of all, I think you just have to go. You just have to get out of bed, put your shoes on and go to the gym. Put yourself through the workout, even if you don't want to, even if it's the crappiest workout ever. After that, your endorphins will release and you'll be happy you went. Then you do the same thing the next day, and the one after that. It might take a few days, but eventually, you'll be back in the swing of things and very happy that you didn't give up.
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