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Postpartum Journey (part 2)

Postpartum is quite an interesting journey that one cannot really know about until they experience it.  In Part 1, I wrote about my personal experience with labor and delivery (HERE for part 1) and now I wanted to talk about my experience with postpartum after we brought our girl home.  Really at the time I write this, we are barely 8 weeks into our postpartum journey, and still, have so long to go.

We were released from the hospital on Thursday, August 15th the day after Anna was born.  We were so anxious to get her home, but the funny part was once we got home, all I could think was now what?!  What do I do with this baby?!  I was so tired from only having maybe 2 hours of combined sleep since Tuesday and so emotional from hormones, and everything else.  I mean, who's idea was it to just send us home with a child?  Don't they know I know absolutely nothing about babies?!  

I've heard many times that when you have a baby, instincts naturally kick in and you just know what to do.  I've come to believe they aren't actually instincts.  Nope, you just spend the first few days guessing what's wrong and hopefully, you hit it right and the baby stops crying for 5 minutes.  Over time, your guessing becomes more spot on and you get a handle on things.
One thing that did get better was my ability to hold and handle a baby.  Prior to having my own child, I was very awkward with babies.  I never knew how to really hold a baby or soothe them and it seemed I was only proficient at making babies cry.  After a day or two of touting this little one around and tending to her needs, it did become more comfortable.  

So many people have told me that when they gave birth to their baby, they had an instant love and connection to the baby.  That I will say did not quite happen right away.  I  feel bad saying this, but I didn't necessarily feel "in love" with Anna instantly.  I mean, we just met!  The love and bonding took a few weeks and to any new mom that may be reading this, you aren't alone in the "what's wrong with me why don't I feel like I am in love with this baby?"  The love does come and it comes so strong, but it may not be instant the second the baby is born and that's okay.
What I did feel when Anna was born was an instant need to protect her and care for her.  I felt the instant "Mamma Bear". She was just so tiny and helpless, it was my job to protect her and care for her.

The first week at home was a blur.  Between tears (both hers and mine), diapers, lack of sleep, and breastfeeding, it was a bit crazy.  We had a few difficult nights and days, but overall we came out of it pretty good!  

Breastfeeding was a challenge, but with some help from my sister who is an RN (registered nurse) helped me with nursing, we got it figured out eventually.  I learned quick breastfeeding is not easy and it can be very frustrating at times.  
And it hurts, oh lord does it ever hurt at first!  
The baby doesn't really know how to latch at first so you have to work with that, and if they get too hungry or upset it can be a battle.  I had one particular night at 2am where Anna was hungry but got herself so worked up she just screamed and would not eat.  It took me over an hour of trying to get her to eat, her screaming, crying (me) and trying to get her to finally calm down enough to eat.  
If I can give any small piece of advice to a new mom breastfeeding, invest in a pump!  When your milk comes in, it comes in!  And you get so full and swollen its almost impossible for your baby to attach and nurse and it hurts!  I did not have the forethought to buy a pump right off the bat and had one particularly uncomfortable night where I was so engorged and painful I had to have a hot bath and hand express some out so Anna could actually eat.  Sexy, I know!  The next day, I went and bought a pump!

The home care nurse warned us about the mood swings and hormones and oh boy was she ever right! The hormones were a great addition to the lack of sleep and getting used to a new life.  Luckily I had a very understanding husband who did not run away when I'd go from laughing to crying to raging, to crying while laughing all in a 20-minute span.  So many times I would burst into tears and I could not figure out why!  By week 3-4, my hormones started to level out and I felt less like I was on an emotional roller coaster, but the occasional meltdown would/still occurs.

I was lucky to have my husband home with me for the first two weeks to get us used to this new human in our lives.  Once he went back to work though, the first week being on our own was difficult at times.  Mostly just lonely.  I had some family come and visit during some of the days when he was at work which was nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with.  And in the evenings, I'd pass Anna off to my husband for a half hour or so to go have a bath or just a bit of alone time.  I felt that helped me get in a good mindset and relax a bit so I could prepare myself for the night feedings and getting up with her.  

Healing post-birth is also interesting.  I was lucky to have an uncomplicated birth and no major issues other than a minor tear and some stitches.  The stitches are unpleasant when they are healing, they get itchy and you're swollen and sore.  Sitting was a bit of a challenge, but many friends informed me about the "padsicle" aka a maxi pad, spritzed with some water and frozen in the freezer.  As stupid as it is, that is my second piece of advice to give, use the "padsicle", you won't regret it!  
Also, the mesh underwear is not just a rumour, they are a legitimate necessity because trust me, the cute underwear is not going to cut it!  You'll need something to fit a pad as big as your baby in it because, well there's some stuff that's gotta come out after birth!

Getting back to physical activity was a slow process.  I tried going for a 20-minute walk about 5 days after we brought Anna home but quickly realized I overdid it.  I tried walking again a few days later and it was better.  
I was not allowed back to the gym until my 6 weeks check-up with the doctor, so I built myself up to daily walks to get out of the house and some activity in.  For myself, it was so important that I got out of the house and did something for light activity every day.  I quickly realized that if I stayed in the house for the day, my mood was low and anxiety was very high.  Getting out of the house helped lower my anxiety and improve my mood.  

Once I got clearance back to the gym, I couldn't wait to start lifting weights again.  Getting back to the gym and lifting weights has given me a sense of normalcy that I forgot how much I needed.  My strength has decreased since pregnancy and even pre-pregnancy, but I expected that to happen.  It is amazing how your body remembers how to do things, getting back to lifting weights was like riding a bike!  
However, there were some things to remember and work on.  Post-pregnancy, my core is weaker than I am used to so I have been working on proper core engagement AND pelvic floor engagement.  Because after giving birth, your pelvic floor is not quite the same for a little while!  My next recommendation to any woman who is pregnant and/or has given birth (even c-section moms), go seek help from a women's health physiotherapist who works on the pelvic floor.  It's a little awkward at first, but so very helpful to work on those unfavourable pregnancy-related issues!  

The first few weeks of postpartum were very intimidating at first, but all in all, we came out on top.  Having great support from family members and my husband was key in those first few weeks.  My husband and I checked in on each other constantly with a "how are YOU doing?"  It's a simple sentence, but it was nice to see how the other person was doing and we'd talk about how things were going and how we felt about this whole "parenting" thing.  

Overall, I can say the first few weeks of postpartum were not horrible.  I got used to the broken sleep quicker than I thought I would and as Anna and I slowly got to know each other and bond more each week, it became easier.  It helps that you have a freaking cute baby that you're growing to love more and more!

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2 Days Post Partum!  Mesh undies for the win!



First wedding at 10 days old!

Post Partum Progress





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