I am making this blog into a two part blog. It is the journey of my self confidence and the role my fitness journey played into it. Part 1 is about learning to accept who I was.
During this fitness journey I've started on I've learned a few things: 1) keep your back straight 2) eat yo veggies! And 3) have confidence in your abilities and be happy with your body-no matter what!
It was a bit of a journey of self acceptance for me. I spent my childhood and early teens trying to convince myself I was something that I wasn't. I finally got the notion that deep down, I was a strong headed, but sensitive farm girl who shouldn't rely on others opinions to make myself happy. I am glad I learned this lesson early in my life unlike some people out there who don't learn it until late in life or not at all. I don't try to change my personality or who I am for anyone. I grew up on a farm, I had to do chores all my life and spent a good majority of it shoveling cow shit. I don't wear makeup every day and my hair lives in a ponytail, but I enjoy getting dressed up for a date night with Ernie. I am fiercely independent and can take care of myself, and I am also married to someone whom I can't imagine my life without. I do have a professional side to me that I can bust out in front of clients at work, but in the back around my co-workers, I'm still the sarcastic doorknob I always am. I don't like confrontation, but I can stand up for myself if I need to. I can poke fun and laugh at myself because I don't take myself too seriously; but I also know that I can get shit done and move mountains if I need to. I shop at Value Village and wherever the hell else I want to. I don't have a glamorous career, but its interesting and keeps me on my feet. I am a self admitted control freak who can also cry at the drop of a beer-literally, it happened! I've accepted who I am at this point in my life. I've also changed a lot and can only imagine I will change even more.
The point of this part 1 of my confidence journey is that acceptance and being ok with who you are starts in your head. If you're not ok with who you are as a person, then you need to change either your life or how you think about yourself. Confidence is first gained by accepting yourself for who you are.
Stay tuned for part two!
During this fitness journey I've started on I've learned a few things: 1) keep your back straight 2) eat yo veggies! And 3) have confidence in your abilities and be happy with your body-no matter what!
The first two are no-brainers, the third is the most tricky of all!
When I was young, I had a hard time learning to appreciate myself for who I am, and it had nothing to do with my body. I knew growing up I was smart and a pretty easy going kid. I never really had any body issues, instead I had issues with what others thought of me. I remember being six or seven and wanting to have friends so badly that I begged my mom to help me change my wardrobe so I could wear stuff that other girls did. I'm glad she didn't give into me, it was the beginning of a big learning curve for me.
In junior high, the friends I had in elementary school all separated and I found a new group. I still tried so hard at first to be friends with my elementary school friends who went off to the "popular" group. You know what groups I'm talking about; every school has them in every grade; and I wanted to be a part of it so badly; now, I'll never understand why.
I spent so much of my youth and early teen years so paranoid about what others thought. I stopped listening to country music because it "wasn't cool"; which was stupid. I loved country music, so why shouldn't I listen to it? I tried to buy the expensive clothes, but I thought it was stupid paying so much for just a damn shirt. Looking back, I'm not proud of it, but it all lead me to my epiphany.
In high school, I finally got a hang of it. I had a great groups of friends and I decided to stop caring what others thought. We were just a group of people who genuinely liked each other and had no need to impress anyone. They helped me realize that I didn't need to impress anyone and I should just be myself. I gave up the tying to please others. It was silly that I was trying to convince the "popular" people to like me, when I didn't even really like them. Instead, I turned my attention to doing things I liked and what made me happy. I did Ju jitsu, gym, played basketball, horseback riding, and drama class all throughout high school. I did all that stuff not because my friends were in all those things; I did it because I enjoyed it and it made me happy. I learned that I didn't need other people's approval to do the stuff I wanted to do. I also worked hard at school because that was expected of me by my parents. It wasn't exactly "cool" to spend most of my lunch hours with my high school math teacher because I didn't understand it was was "thisclose" to having my ass grounded because I didn't have the marks expected of me, but I did it anyway. I was determined to not be a dumbass and put myself through life instead of relying on others.
I also applied this to my appearance. I didn't really like spending hours doing my hair and makeup. Don't get me wrong, when we had dances or special occasions I enjoyed getting dressed up and doing my hair and makeup with my friends. But day to day in front of the mirror got old. By grade twelve, I stopped wearing so much makeup every day and felt better about myself. I pushed more away from it in college where I had to wear my hair up for labs in school so I hardly ever wore makeup for classes. It wasn't just that I was being lazy or I had perfect skin, I just felt good enough about my appearance that I felt like I didn't need to wear makeup. I knew I wasn't perfect, but I decided I'd much rather sleep in than get up early to do my hair and makeup.
I also applied this to my appearance. I didn't really like spending hours doing my hair and makeup. Don't get me wrong, when we had dances or special occasions I enjoyed getting dressed up and doing my hair and makeup with my friends. But day to day in front of the mirror got old. By grade twelve, I stopped wearing so much makeup every day and felt better about myself. I pushed more away from it in college where I had to wear my hair up for labs in school so I hardly ever wore makeup for classes. It wasn't just that I was being lazy or I had perfect skin, I just felt good enough about my appearance that I felt like I didn't need to wear makeup. I knew I wasn't perfect, but I decided I'd much rather sleep in than get up early to do my hair and makeup.
It was a bit of a journey of self acceptance for me. I spent my childhood and early teens trying to convince myself I was something that I wasn't. I finally got the notion that deep down, I was a strong headed, but sensitive farm girl who shouldn't rely on others opinions to make myself happy. I am glad I learned this lesson early in my life unlike some people out there who don't learn it until late in life or not at all. I don't try to change my personality or who I am for anyone. I grew up on a farm, I had to do chores all my life and spent a good majority of it shoveling cow shit. I don't wear makeup every day and my hair lives in a ponytail, but I enjoy getting dressed up for a date night with Ernie. I am fiercely independent and can take care of myself, and I am also married to someone whom I can't imagine my life without. I do have a professional side to me that I can bust out in front of clients at work, but in the back around my co-workers, I'm still the sarcastic doorknob I always am. I don't like confrontation, but I can stand up for myself if I need to. I can poke fun and laugh at myself because I don't take myself too seriously; but I also know that I can get shit done and move mountains if I need to. I shop at Value Village and wherever the hell else I want to. I don't have a glamorous career, but its interesting and keeps me on my feet. I am a self admitted control freak who can also cry at the drop of a beer-literally, it happened! I've accepted who I am at this point in my life. I've also changed a lot and can only imagine I will change even more.
The point of this part 1 of my confidence journey is that acceptance and being ok with who you are starts in your head. If you're not ok with who you are as a person, then you need to change either your life or how you think about yourself. Confidence is first gained by accepting yourself for who you are.
Stay tuned for part two!
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