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| How to change your relationship with food! |
Do you find when you're stressed you turn to food for comfort?
Do you then have feelings of guilt and shame because you "screwed up" your diet and then you think, screw it and throw your weight loss goals out the window? Then restart in 2 weeks?
Have you ever sworn off cake, chocolate, and pizza and promise yourself you're only going to eat "good" foods from now on. Only to find yourself diving headfirst into a pizza and chocolate cake 3 days later?
You're not alone!
Do you wish you had better discipline and willpower? Hoping one day you could just be like one of those people that possess the magical discipline and motivation powers and don't eat junk food ever? Sorry to tell you, those people don't exist!
I used to be that person too! I used to believe that there were people who never ate junk food- ever! I believed for years that certain foods were evil and should be avoided at all costs, and if I ever ate those foods, it would make me feel embarrassed that I didn't have better discipline. What a terrible mindset to have!
I decided that I couldn't live my life hiding from food and I wanted to be able to create a healthier balance. I was tired of feeling crappy and guilty every time I had some pizza and beer. I decided I needed a change. I slowly worked on changing my way of thinking and focusing on creating a better relationship with food where I focused on balance, eating foods that make me feel good and nourished, and enjoying some foods and treats I love.
What does it mean to have a good relationship with food? A better relationship meaning you stop associating food with feelings of guilt or shame. That you stop allowing food to control your life in a negative way because you let go of the "good" and "bad". That having a piece of cake and some pizza at your child's birthday party doesn't mean you messed up your goals, and it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It's cake for Pete's sake, not crack!
It's been beaten into our heads by the diet and fitness industry, gurus, and influencers that certain foods are "bad" and will keep us fat and by having these foods we will never reach our goals. Whether its carbs, dairy, sugar, fruit, meat, potatoes... there's always a scapegoat that the industry is focusing on to figure out the "hack" or secret to weight loss. When we ignore the actual fact that for weight loss we simply need a calorie deficit.
I won't get into calorie deficits here, instead, I talk all about weight loss & calorie deficits HERE so you can go there to find out more info.
How do we start repairing our relationship with food?
It's not easy and it takes time to change a whole mindset change regarding food.
By changing your mindset regarding food, you learn to remove labels from food. The "good" and "bad" labels we place on food only emphasize a negative association towards food. By removing "good" and "bad" from food, we see it as it really is, just food!
There are certain foods that are higher in fiber, more nutrient-dense, filled with vitamins, protein, good carbs, and lower-calorie, which are generally healthier and will make you feel good. These are the foods you most want to focus on to help towards your weight loss or health goals. On the flip side, there are foods that are less nutrient-dense, and generally higher-calorie and include cake, and they are delicious, fun and enjoyable! (Not that nutrient-dense foods can't be fun and enjoyable too). These foods are great in moderation, but if had in excess can derail your goals. That being said, they don't need to be cut out for forever! You can find a balance with these foods and reaching your goals.
Food is not inherently "good" or "bad", it is just food! It's our mindset towards it that messes with our heads and creates a negative relationship with it.
When we restrict ourselves and swear off all "bad" foods, it creates that "you want what you can't have" mentality and we start to feel over restricted. After so much restriction, it's only a matter of time until you hit up the McDonald's drive-through or have a piece of cake at a birthday party and boom! You think to yourself that you've already messed up by having cake, so what's another piece, and another, and pizza, and wine, and KFC and well screw it I might as well start over next week. Rinse and repeat the cycle until you feel like you've given up entirely all because you "just can't say no to cake". Honey, the cake isn't a problem, it's your relationship with food. And if you struggle with this, it's ok! This is such a common situation, I bet if you talked to your closest group of friends and relatives, you will find the majority of the group will share this problem as well!
In changing our relationship with food, you need to figure out what causes your negative thoughts towards it.
Is it the stigma of bad food?
Is it every time you had cake as a kid your Aunt Debra would say "oh honey haven't you had enough?" (By the way, screw Aunt Debra!) And the guilt and shame spiral would ensue.
Was it watching your mom or sisters all your life be on and off diets and that's all you know?
Is it when you're stressed you reach for Oreos and ice cream? Or when you're feeling lonely?
Are you a perfectionist and when you aren't always at 100% you feel as though it might as well be 0%?
Getting to know these triggers and root causes is important. Because when you learn why you feel this way, you can learn how to change it. So the next time you feel guilty about food or you are bingeing on cake and Oreos, ask yourself why? What's going on right now? How am I feeling? Write it down!
Asking yourself these questions will help open yourself up
The next thing I would suggest is, if weight loss is your goal, but you have an unhealthy relationship with food, stop focusing on losing weight for now.
I am not saying throw your health out the window and I am not saying you should never try to lose weight.
I am saying if you have a negative mindset towards food and you really want to change your lifestyle and commit to serious changes, you need to repair your relationship with food and your mentality towards your eating habits.
Think about it. How many times in life have you gone on a "diet", off a diet, try a new diet, lose 10lbs, gain 15lbs.... rinse and repeat for years? A negative relationship with food and how you view it will only prolong this vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting and on and off diets.
Instead of focusing on losing weight the fastest with the latest diet, shift your focus to improving your relationship with food. Concentrate on removing labels from food, filling your plate the majority of the time with what makes you feel good and is nutritionally valuable, and enjoying some treats and being able to have ice cream without feelings of guilt! It almost sounds like a dream doesn't it?
It can happen! It won't happen overnight, but if you focus your attention on creating a solid relationship with food, it will make weight loss that much more effective, and long-lasting. No more having to yo-yo diet the same 10lbs over and over again. You will instead learn to eat for effective weight loss in a calorie deficit while still allowing for some treats and fun to be had!
In part 2, I discuss actual steps to rebuild the habits to work on your relationship with food!
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